jokes

[breadlove202]

dumb *** blonde
a blonde was traveling along a higway and gets to an intersection not thinking she goes straight through, as she goes through she collides with a $100,000 bmw. she stps the car and gets out. Her car was perfect not even a scratch. the man gets out of the bmw and walks up to her and draws a circle on the ground. He tells her to not get out, so she stands in the circle. the man walks over to his car and gets out a baseball bat. He starts smashing the car. She starts laughing but he keeps on going, After 10 mins the car is all smashed up and the blonde is laughing on the ground he walks over to her and asks why she is laughing, she replies"every time u turned around i steped outside the circle"

Sex in the Dark
There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figures she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights.
She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... A vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one. She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard," She screamed at him, "How could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain the toy . . . You explain the kids."

[jrbassman712]

AHAHHAAHAH thats good...didnt see that coming.

[iheartriot18]

good stuff haha

[ragasaraswati]

News from NASA! People will eventually get the chance to watch the sun up close because the scientists thought of a way to travel to the sun without getting burned. The will go at night.

[Rustee]

Two fish are swimming in a river. One fish swims right into a concrete wall and says, "dam!"

Badum tsss

And here's another married for years joke...

A cop pulls over a married couple. The cop asks, "Sir did you know you were speeding? I clocked you at 70mph." The husband replies, "that's impossible, I had the cruise control set at 55." However the wife suddenly chimed in, "honey, he's right, you were going 70."

The cop then adds, "I also noticed as I was walking up that you slipped your seat-belt on. I'm going to have to ticket you for that as well." To which the husband answers, "no sir, you're mistaken. I always put on my seat-belt first thing." Again the wife counters, "honey, you weren't wearing your belt."

Frustrated, the husband yells to her, "Good Lord woman, shut up already!"
The cop asks, "Ma'am, does he always talk to you like that?"
"No sir" she says, "only when he's drunk."

[dropsonic]

dumb *** blonde
a blonde was traveling along a higway and gets to an intersection not thinking she goes straight through, as she goes through she collides with a $100,000 bmw. she stps the car and gets out. Her car was perfect not even a scratch. the man gets out of the bmw and walks up to her and draws a circle on the ground. He tells her to not get out, so she stands in the circle. the man walks over to his car and gets out a baseball bat. He starts smashing the car. She starts laughing but he keeps on going, After 10 mins the car is all smashed up and the blonde is laughing on the ground he walks over to her and asks why she is laughing, she replies"every time u turned around i steped outside the circle"

Sex in the Dark
There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figures she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights.
She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... A vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one. She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard," She screamed at him, "How could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain the toy . . . You explain the kids." thats killer lmao

[bluesking]

This is an old Victor Lewis Smith one:

What's the difference between the Yehudi Menhuin big band and a cow?

The cow has the horns at the front and the *sshole at the back!

[pianolessons]

A man was driving very fast and a policeman was trying to stop him. The cop had the siren blasting and the lights flashing, but the man drove even faster.
After about 30 miles, the man had enough and pulled over.
The policeman walked up to him and said. "If you can give me a reason for trying to get away that I haven't heard, I'll let you go".
The man calmly replied..... "My wife left me last week for a cop, and I thought you were trying to give her back" .