Wanna help me with a song??

[leppard81]

Ok, here´s the deal, i was writing on this song for some time now, and finally came around to record a basic version (chords and vocals). But in hindsight it´s not a very good one, yet i wanna work on it by adding melodies and hooklines and if that won´t work i´ll rewrite it.....

Maybe anybody on here wants to give it a try and add something to the tune, something that makes it better? Currently i just need input from other people, but i havent got anyone around me.....

Here you can listen and download the song:
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page...songID=7386504




I´d love to hear other peoples ideas on this template! Lets make this a good song! :-)

Thanks

[Malcolm]

...and finally came around to record a basic version (chords and vocals). But in hindsight it´s not a very good one, yet i wanna work on it by adding melodies and hooklines

OK, no takers so far. I'll get it started.
As you already have the lyrics, and are already singing a tune I think you are looking for help in fleshing it out. No thanks, long distance over the Internet calibration is not something I'd want to get into, however, here are some things to think about and I understand you may have already taken all of these into consideration.

If you are trying to come up with a better melody. Melodies come from within the chord tones (notes) or you start with the melody and add the chords that harmonize with the melody - chicken or egg - as you are already using finger picking your melody is already there. Start by transposing the notes you are using in the pattern. I think in transposing them you will see a tune develop, i.e. a simplified version of the pattern will show a tune. However, -----

As you already have the lyrics, and are already singing a tune - old rule of thumb is one melody note for each lyric word. Ma-ry takes two, bea-ti-ful takes three. Sing the tune one word at a time and the notes you need for each word will be up scale or down scale - duhh - that goes with out saying - just write down which and by how much. After the notes get written (in standard notation) you should be able to see a little wave action in the melody line - no wave action will be boring, 20 foot breakers may be too much.

One to two chords per measure - the melody notes being used dictate how many, i.e. the melody notes and the chord under it should contain some of the same notes - when the melody moves on to a new set of notes not found in the old chord you need a new chord. As long as the melody is staying with notes within the old chord there is no need to find a new chord - sus chords, extensions or inversions of that old chord keep the progression moving. Shoot for at least one chord per measure.

I think your song will fit into the classic four line verse. First two lines contain a full chord progression - I IV V I or which ever one you have picked. Then the next two lines repeat that same progression. Chorus can be the same, or you can change it - up to you. But, I'd suggest the verses stay with the same progression.

The hook -- your chorus is probably the best hook. Beyond the chorus the hook can be a riff that is repeated. Between your chorus and the melody you come up with the hook may just fall in place.

It's your song have fun with it.

Good luck.

[leppard81]

Thanks alot for your input, Malcolm! I appreciate it alot...Too bad you´re not interested in any internet collaboration, would´ve loved to hear what others come up with! Anyway, i want to work with what i already got here, meaning that i wanna add tidbits to the existing song to see where it could go.......

I just wonder, apart from the performance, if the chorus is really as weak as i think it is or not (i spent way too much time listening to the song, so i can noz tell anymore...)

[edbrown]

-----As you already have the lyrics, and are already singing a tune - old rule of thumb is one melody note for each lyric word. Ma-ry takes two, bea-ti-ful takes three. Sing the tune one word at a time and the notes you need for each word will be up scale or down scale - duhh - that goes with out saying - just write down which and by how much. After the notes get written (in standard notation) you should be able to see a little wave action in the melody line - no wave action will be boring, 20 foot breakers may be too much.

One to two chords per measure - the melody notes being used dictate how many, i.e. the melody notes and the chord under it should contain some of the same notes - when the melody moves on to a new set of notes not found in the old chord you need a new chord. As long as the melody is staying with notes within the old chord there is no need to find a new chord - sus chords, extensions or inversions of that old chord keep the progression moving. Shoot for at least one chord per measure.

I think your song will fit into the classic four line verse. First two lines contain a full chord progression - I IV V I or which ever one you have picked. Then the next two lines repeat that same progression. Chorus can be the same, or you can change it - up to you. But, I'd suggest the verses stay with the same progression.

The hook -- your chorus is probably the best hook. Beyond the chorus the hook can be a riff that is repeated. Between your chorus and the melody you come up with the hook may just fall in place.

It's your song have fun with it.

Good luck.

thanx for the tip mate! would really help me....

[clyates]

i like your voice alot. i like the title "who holds tomorrow" i'm guessing "who holds THE tomorrow" is just a typo...with THE in there. chord change could be cool but i dont like the arppegiated rhythm, it sounds like youre about to blast off into a scorpions song but with no blast off. maybe you were trying to write a matchbox 20 kinda song and for that i think it's kind of close. but that been done and i personally wouldnt go that route. this song could benefit by being more up-tempo. i personally like sad songs that appear to be kinda happy or up, y'know. it's just sounds too sentimental the way it is. email me (christianlloydyates@yahoo.com) the lyrics and chords or post them here. i bet i can work up a version you'd like. i'm bored most of the time and wouldnt mind collaborating with you or trading critiques/advice.


christian